My fingers amble across the keyboard as I look up to the green and azure — to the oak and the sky — slowly finding that blended voice between soul and human.
How to edit my future book on a past NDE?
A poetic voice and a comedic voice shake hands whilst the inner intelligence asks, why are there so many different kinds of NDE accounts in the world?
Most Western NDE accounts have visions of angels, light beings, Jesus, and God while most Eastern NDE accounts are more “bureaucratic error” in nature wherein afterlife-beings reveal mixed up human names accounting for the soul’s return back to the Earthly life to be replaced by another human’s soul.
My NDE was neither.
My NDE was unique in that prior to my near-death-experience, I was an initiated meditator…initiated into more Universalist-Hindu-based Rising Star as well as Kriya Yoga. At least a decade before, spiritual friends at various places told me they saw me appear as transparent/light-bodied.
Now having met (albeit online) with other near-death-experiences, I find most were not prior meditators, and upon hearing other accounts, see that the NDE itself is what launches them towards a spiritual pursuit.
The actual event itself, which I’ll explain in more detail in my book, was a brief soul ascent towards the ceiling (while my physical body lay below) and the recognition that the bliss that I felt as I floated upwards was identical to the meditation bliss that I felt while sitting zazen or, even less apparent, the inner-alertness-meditation while going about my day’s events…singing and playing music, creating jewelry, chatting with friends or listening to uplifting music.
And yes, there were brief premonitions surrounding the NDE that came to fruition, as well as some other more weird random visions about world events that seem to be revealing themselves as true, although at the time with the latter, the event details only were discernable once the actual events unfolded (2016 election results…something I took less seriously, given that I had died and now focused my efforts on healing a broken patella via DIY methods*).
Like most people who’ve asked me about my NDE, I wondered what was so significant about the afterlife…my experience compared to others…and how much personality was attached…and what does this mean for the entire world?
What was most significant the afterlife for me was that there was a meditative bliss and absolute silence. And what was so significant about mine was that I witnessed myself/my soul outside of my own body…I could see thing clearly (albeit if was just the boring bathroom ceiling or my wonderful calico cat who rushed to my human body’s side), as if I were still inside my own body…and…and this is a big AND SO…if I was a soul and no other human could see me, then…logically, at this very moment, there could be other souls floating around that we cannot see…
Due to the fact that I was already a meditator/yogi/healer, there wasn’t much personality attached…my few thoughts were something like, “oh my gosh, I’m actually dying…WOW, there really isn’t that much that I want to go back for…oh, I never imagined that I’d die like this in a bathtub…oh well, it doesn’t really matter…nothing really matters…oh wow, this is an amazing feeling…this is AMAZING!!!” and then “uh, oh…there’s the cat…gotta swim back down there for her…oh, good, I don’t have to die in a bathtub, now…oh good, swimming backwards worked…now in my body…this whole thing is kinda laughable…gotta get help for myself now…”
And what does this mean for the entire world? I don’t know. Here are a few uneducated guesses: 1) You choose your own death. 2) Meditation has great benefits…perhaps allows for an easier transition or recognition of death (a lot of non-meditators don’t realize they’re dead and get frustrated on the other side) 3) It’s plausible that other beings are watching and guiding you 4) There’s no real death/there’s an afterlife…that an NDE assists a human in recognizing his/her own soul or other passed souls on a sense-level 5) It’s plausible that reincarnation exists. 6) It’s plausible that all little souls are one big soul/Oneness, 7) We are loved 8) Through surrender, self-healing is possible 9) Life is still about finding equilibrium between the spiritual and material worlds…and yet influencing the rest of the material world towards the spiritual, and10) The whole idea of “I got away with it!” in life is entirely erroneous…everything’s recorded in the ethers…
In the below link, there’s a great explanation why Western and Eastern NDEs vary…and why mine was the way it was…I’d like to think that had I not come back for the immediacy of the cat, not to mention a more formidable death scenario (perhaps in my sleep, at a ripe old age), that my soul would’ve continued to float upwards toward the galaxy/galaxies and that I’d meet and hug my former pets, my grandparents, teachers and swim the astral beaches, stroll the astral greenery, and from what I dreamt of as a little girl, bask in the sun’s golden glow.
My soul would trust that all those who’d been left behind would feel I was in a good place and they too would eventually know the same bliss and unconditional love…
Until then…I continue to pursue life areas such as music, goldsmithing, charity, art, sustainability, nature, toxin-free living, and loved ones, not to mention, meditation/yoga/movement…all that I gleefully returned to as I was healing…
*weirdly enough I’d “healed myself” and others of many times before of other health situations, such as wearing eyeglasses for over 12 years…
It’s silence. Blissful silence. An upwards floating.
Me being my soul and the ceiling fast approaching my “open eyes” as “I” floated up towards the heavens and my human body remained below.
For me, this was the case.
There was no gnashing of anything. There was no language. There was no religion.
There was purity, comfort, and recognition.
There was only the brief, somewhat-responsible Earthly search of unconditional love that would need my Earthly help (no other search occurred to me) which is why I came back (my 19-year-old cat)…not for fam, nor for friends, not for fame, money, not for anything material or even “spiritual”, or even this website and its undescribe-able helenbobelen-nesses.
And there was the recognition of the ridiculousness of the situation that had unfolded the night of the 3rd Presidential Debate: emotions and TV noise around the Presidential elections and me just wanting us to all get along, not to mention, the ridiculousness that I, Helenbobelen-Helen, found death while in a bathtub after grinding myself along 3 miles (after going a previous 5 miles) and turning down help from a kind stranger.
Clearly, if I’d gotten this far, I wasn’t supposed to remain dead…
So, I came back to that calico now sitting next to me, next to that ridiculous bathtub-would-be-coffin; I came back to that gorgeous Bronx-born cat who was waiting patiently to finally rescue me back, not making a sound.
Within one day, I gave up the crutches, was doing yoga (modified), lifting weights (modified), and eating a pound of kale and drinking gallons of filtered water. Within seven days, I gave up the leg prosthetic (it no longer fit), switched to a smaller brace (using safety pins to keep its shape) and was driving a car solo and running errands. Within 14 days, I was using my kickscooter. All the while, I was donating to childrens’ charities and making good on any hospital/x-ray bills.
I (drug-free and well-hydrated) was already thanking God that early morning we pulled out of that hospital parking lot, but music, art, and well-honed health and wellness habits, along with being around kind clients and young’uns pulled off any darkness.
I know where that excessive darkness loves to live. I provide it sweet silence.
I have a body, but I’m not this body-mind complex. This I’ve known for decades.
I suppose The Creator wanted me to tell you this story. It’s been over a year so the timing’s reasonable. The photos serve as documentation and attest to how the body naturally wants to heal itself. I got out of my own way and allowed it to happen. Perhaps natural healing is in your path, too. Either way, I remain judgement-free.
I’m most grateful.
P.S. I’m also grateful where more equality and respect for all the earnest genders and to be recognized as humans who have souls. May the younger female generations have sovereignty/freedom in art, love, time, bodily-privacy, and in any business venture that allows the former for themselves and others, along with charitable-giving to better the planet and future generations, including the evolving male gender. May we all go deeper and let go…to create better emotional and therefore, material creativity…
On the night of October 19th, her body went into shock.
(She ended up the bathtub — of all places — so she could finally lay down and not have to get up to use the bathroom, as everyone else was asleep.)
She felt nauseous and other not-so-positive sensations…then very peaceful as the sounds and sights became muffled…
She felt herself being lifted towards the ceiling.
It occurred to her mind what was going on…so she did what she had to do to get her soul back into her body and get help/diagnosis.
She did. (And while she did it, she saw a vision of her well-loved deceased grandfather.)
She didn’t come back for the material things. (At the time, they never even occurred to her.)
She came back for the mutual unconditional love of the being closest to her.
The injury, for the most part, has healed. Miraculously. Naturally.
She’s walking, doing yoga, tending to clients…painting, making earrings…as seen here on this blog; she’s actually been blogging more often…she must really like her job…
Today she sat in the lotus position (btw, her birth name is also “lotus” so maybe this result was inevitable).
Otherwise, she’s doing things that are therapeutic to her mind, body, and soul…and resting.
The body wants to heal itself.
Thank you to the professionals who respected/respect her choices.
To those who know of her situation, thank you for your kind words and good wishes.
For those with whom she’s been brief in emails/communications…this is why.
Lol, no newsletter this year…
She’s keeping things simple offline as well. (Thank God they were already simple…)
She’s been keeping a photographic journal of the rapid recovery, maybe one day she’ll share it.
Thank you for practicing daily preventative care.
Thank you for being gentle with yourselves.
Thank you for being aware…
P.S. Everyone heals in their own time, in their own way. Every life is different…
Date of Near-Death-Experience: October 21, 2016, early morning, around 1AM
Ambulance 911-call on record.
Hospital where diagnosed/x-rayed, broken patella: Williamson Medical Center ER, 2021 N. Carothers Rd, Franklin, TN
X-rays on record (as well as at the billing department — “Angela” worked there at the time and witnessed me walking into the hospital unassisted and healed without the recommended surgery).